Twice As Hard - October 12 (I think)

Sweet mother of Lord! I'm finally on the metro! And getting here was an ordeal.

First, a note on long-distance overnight travel. If you don't have prescription grade sleeping aids, don't bother with anything else. I took 5 Tylenol PM and was certain that would knock me out. Instead, it has just might me mighty groggy and put me in a foul mood. I think I may have slept for a total of one hour with my head down on my folding tray, a blanket over my head and earplugs in. It was not pretty OR comfortable. Despite that, Air France is the way to go!

When we boarded the plane, the man across the aisle from me ate the biggest sandwich I had ever seen. Then two hours later, he ate the first in-flight meal, and another two hours after that, he ate the NEXT in-flight meal. Ew. I didn't eat any of them. I just got water every time the stewardess walked past. Heights make me thirsty. Apparently it made my wino neighbors thirsty too. Those bastards drank like fish. I can't imagine landing in Paris and being hungover and sleepy. Maybe they have a tolerance level that I don't.

Meanwhile, I developed a little crush on the stewardesses. They were both so French! One reminded me of my first girlfriend - Perry. This got me wondering about my affinity for Jews again. And I wondered, if maybe my affinity for Jewish women could be equated with the matriarchal nature of their culture. As if, maybe I was hot for the power, but since I live in a patriarchal society and am not Jewish, I pursue men for love. Then I thought, I wish I could sleep and not let my mind wander into nonsensical psychoanalysis.

Leaving Charles De Gaul Airport

Jeez. Did all of that really have to be that hard? I don't know for sure that I'm on the right train, but I kind of don't care. Being on a train is an improvement from being an line of confused tourists.

It took me an hour and a half to do two things just now—exchange currency and get a metro ticket. The lady at the information pointed me to a mass of confusion to exchange my currency. When I got fed up with the chaos of fifteen Asian teenagers trying to exchange currency in line ahead of me, I left and stumbled upon a kiosk with no waiting!

Then I embarked on a trek toward the Metro. The automated kiosks don't accept bills larger than 20 Euro, or any credit cards that aren't "international" (there's a special chip on the international buggers). So I got in another line that wound all over the place, but turned out to move pretty quickly. This would be my first big test of the French language and it went pretty well! I meekly waivered in and out of French, because it's tough to start out a conversation saying, "Bonjour" to be polite and then switching it up and saying you don't speak French—because I do.

So I did waiver in and out of the language a bit at first, prompting the ticket vendor to ask, "What do you speak—French or English? You go back and forth!"

"Well, English really," I replied.

"Where are you from?"

"Uh, je suis des Etats Unis."

"There you go again. Just use your French. It's good."

That made me feel good. Now, does anybody know where this f*@king train goes? I think I read all of the signs right, but we'll see! It gets me out of the airport and that has to be a good step in the right direction...

The Perfect Paris Playlist

Many of the experiences I encounter in my life are held to romanticized Hollywood standards - and Paris was to be no exception. I wanted to feel as fabulous as Anne Hathaway in The Devil Wears Prada when I walked down the Champs Elysee; as romantically tragic and desperately hopeful as Nicole Kidman in Moulin Rouge when I reached the steps of the Sacre Couer to look out over the city; as fierce as Madonna when I stepped out of the Metro station and into the busy streets of Paris - you get the point. My playlist was an effective tool in enhancing the atmosphere while fueling my delusions of grandeur and romance.

Here's the official "PERFECT PARIS PLAYLIST" - and yes, it's in all caps on my iPod. I told you I was excited...

"City of Blinding Lights" - U2 - as inspired by its presence in The Devil Wears Prada
"I Love Paris" - Ella Fitzgerald
"La Vie en Rose" - Louis Armstrong
"Les Yeux Ouverts" - The Beautiful South - some cheeky French Kiss soundtrack tune
"Heavenly Day" - Patty Griffin
"One Way Ticket" - Mama Cass
"One Day I'll Fly Away (Tony Phillips Remix)" - Nicole Kidman
"Vogue" - Madonna
"C'est Trop Beau" - Tino Rossi - French Kiss soundtrack again
"Sous le Ciel de Paris" - Belinda Carlisle
"What It Feels Like for a Girl" - Madonna
"Let's Do It (Let's Fall in Love)" - Alanis Morissette
"Des Ronds Dans L'eau" - Belinda Carlisle
"There Will Never Be Another You" - Keely Smith
"Call Me Irresponsible" - Dinah Washington
"My Baby Just Cares For Me" - George Michael
"Lady Marmalade" - Labelle
"La Vie en Rose" - Belinda Carlisle
"Autumn Leaves" - Paula Cole (we later heard a terrible French version of this live at dinner at Chez Eugene's - a very bad restaurant)
"Heaven From Here" - Robbie Williams
"Someone to Watch Over Me" - Sting

Seat 69J to CDG - October 11

So, I got to the plane. Yep. I cleared all the crazy hurdles of international travel all by myself! There was a moment of shear terror when I couldn't find the check in for Air France (cleverly disguised as Delta - with no signs telling you this).

E-tickets make me nervous, especially when the stupid check-in kiosk feigns no knowledge of your reservation. Fortunately, the kind lady at the counter found me in the system and took my super heavy cumbersome bag so that I could glide freely through the airport and off towards the excitement that is security.

Did you know there were planes with stairs in them? WHAT??? (said in my best Ellen impression) That's right, there are planes with stairs in them. I, my friend, am UPstairs. How freaking cool is that? I am a hair more excited about this trip than I was about meeting Deb(orah)bie Gibson this summer. I know, how is that possible? I thought I had reached the pinnacle of excitement then. Apparently there might be MORE to life than Debbie Gibson.

I took today off of work and had a leisurely morning of biscuits, coffee and magazines. Then I got OCD all around the house, made the PERFECT Paris playlist for the iPod, worked out and called my sister and my parents to chat. Now... UPSTAIRS on a plane! I love it.

I hope I can sleep on the plane. I'm doping up on Tylenol PM, but I have little optimism that this will be a restful flight.

Bonjour et Bienvenue!

I thought it would be only fitting to type my first entry in this blog on an annoying little European keyboard. Features you should know about, as they may prove useful in decoding a few typos: the a and the q are swapped; the z and the w are swapped; the m is where the semicolon belongs; and the period requires the use of the shift key before it appears. UGH!

I am waiting for my flight in a very lazy and slow airport terminal at the Charles de Gaule airport. After 10 days in Europe (mostly in Paris), I am quite ready for a night in my own bed and I am really excited about watching something - anything - besides CNN international on TV... and fast-forwarding through commercials!

I've logged most of my trip in a journal given to me by my sister for Christmas in 2000! Finally, I've put it to good use. From the first few minutes of excitement over sitting upstairs on my flight over - to the last dull moments here in l'aeroport CDG, I'm excited to take you all with me - friends, family, and strangers - as I show you different parts of the world through the eyes of a small-town Southern boy.

This first series of posts will center around my recent European travels - Paris, Giverny, Chartres, Orry (don't ask), the ever fantastic Naarden, and Amsterdam. And we'll have to just see what other travels come my way after these!

Bon Journee, and thanks for reading!